1.Where are your Glasses?
I love this one! I would never be able to think of a reply like this one!
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
“Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
Her talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me," she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the gals. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be ever so much fun.
2.There are times when a hard tall drink of near pure alcohol is not only needed but fully justified – judge for yourself.
A guy came into a bar and says to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The following day the same guy wal
ks into the bar and asks for a repeat order of the previous day. When the bartender enquires what’s the problem today, the guy answers, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"On the third day the guy enters the bar and orders another six double vodkas.
The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
3.A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No." replied the Managing Director indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone
